Indonesia///Bintan
Watched Les Miz two days ago; cried like a baby. 
Hugs and Kisses for the entire cast. SO GOOD!

Just got hooked onto Pinterest but with the slow internet connection here, I can forget about surfing it here. A side of me can't wait to get back to Singapore to start 2013 but I don't want to end this vacation too soon.

Sitting LAZILY on my chair, procrastinating like I always do. I have yet to start on birthday cards (overdued) and Christmas cards (soon to be changed to Season Greetings). I shall apologise in advance to everyone who has given me or will be giving me Christmas gifts///cards. I foresee myself really liking them and hanging them on my wall for the rest of the year///6 days. 

In other news, I did my brows today - like really did them DID them. 3D tatts on my brows. Natural looking and thick brows///used to be a dream; no longer a dream. FRIGGIN EXCITED TO WEAR THEM AROUND HAHAHA Okay, but lots of post-care needed. SIANZZZZ 

So I got a job and all -YAY JOEY! Audience applauds- And they will be sending me to Bintan to work. Ohhhh what can you say about me? I am capable and pretty happy right now. 

Ok, lids are closing and I have to complete a Christmas card and a birthday card and wrapping one present. URGH!

Baked gingerbread man!

Post As commences

I have been out and about and having "fun". Post As has yet to sunk in, but I am giving it time. While I wait for myself to get all excited about Post As, I attended my class chalet (absolute fun!) and had the worst prom ever. Okay, it was not all bad but my performance was horrible. Enough to make me feel horrible/devastated...

Pretty dress <3

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shopping list:
1: The above dress from Topshop
2.

www.younghungryfree.com

 

3.

www.asos.com

The actual plans

1. Make cards for THE classmates; all 19 of them
2. Find a fun and good-paying job
3. Finish my horrible novel
4. Buy a ukulele AND collect the guitar from my cousin
5. Learn to play the ukulele and the guitar
6. Watch the Hunger Games
7. Buy skater dress and leather skater skirt!
8. Bake a GOOD cake!
9. Choir alumni shirt
10. Random Quote shirt
11. Class steamboat for CNY
12. Choir chalet!!! 

Post As planning commences

Singing this for prom (wish me some luck)

Had my first vocal lesson yesterday night. Went quite horribly. HAHAHA I am an ass.

Its currently 26th November, 10:43AM. Yes, still morning. This means I still have some time to salvage myself. I need to start studying and be efficient. Having my first ever vocal lessons today. I am thinking that maybe it would be like a basics lesson and nothing else, but we shall see about that.

A levels are ending next week (finally!) and I have my class chalet next week too. I am semi-excited about it but it will kind of signify the last thing we would have together as a class, which is a very gloomy thought. 

Before the studying starts, I thought I should start reflecting about the weekends; surprising my best friend with her boyfriend. It was a HUGE success, but that is besides the point. That day, when I saw the two of them together; I swear, I couldn't be happier for them. They are so perfect for each other. Sure, they do have their differences but those differences are what makes them one. However, they are so similar too. It's just crazy. (Far-fetched thought that maybe they should get married, hahahaha) It got me thinking about my own relationship. We are different, but neither are we similar in any way. We do not have ANY common interests at all. It kind of sucks cause we can never do PROPER things together. Yes we can hang out, but I would imagine that if we did have something that we liked doing together, we would be spending and enjoying more times together. It is just so frustrating... I just cannot help it but to compare what I have to them. It's impossible. 

Forgive my rants about my relationship but I really do not enjoy keeping it all to myself or telling it to anybody else. HAHA, I am just an ass.

24 hour break

What semi-liberation means to me.

Sunday.

Sometimes I wonder why things are the way it is. Is it God? Is it fate? Destiny? Or circumstances? It's hard thinking about stuff like this. It's scarily spiritual and sometimes, to me, it seems like I am questioning the universe. IT IS HUGE! How can anyone question things like this? Things just happen, no? As a girl at 18 of age, I start to question this thing I have with you; this thing called a relationship. I do agree that I am a bitch when I tell myself that maybe this is not even official since you have never asked me if I wanted this; this whole stupid official boy-girl relationship. Obviously, we are together. Everyone thinks we are and we think we are; but honestly, are our hearts in this together? 
Just recently, very recently, I started asking myself if this was right for me? Is this right for me? Can we, yknow, catch up with each other? Can I tolerate all your childish behaviour? Will I ever be able to appreciate you for who you are? Your religion? I can't. I don't think I can. That was why I cried so hard last night, and woke up today with swollen eyes. But with my stupid small eyes, swollen or not; no difference at all. 
It's so hard for me to know that you KNOW that after life, we won't be together. This just means 'Forever' is not possible. HOW CAN THAT NOT BE POSSIBLE? 
It kills me even further that he can't be with somebody who truly lets him be him, who loves him wholly. I love him like nuts, I have to say. But it still kills me. Right now, I just can't wait for As to NOT END so we don't need to have that stupid talk that will lead to a stupid decision that will hurt my fucking heart. And I would have to live the rest of my life being miserable that such a thing even had to happen. Alright, if you are random reader, you would think I am being childish and like am a love-crazed teen. No people, you do not understand. No, we did not have sex. But what we have is so so special, I am not even being delusional here. Sigh sigh sigh, I want to run away so bad. 

Crying myself to sleep tonight, not because of As but bcause of us.

I need a miracle. Just one, please.

Tired of screwing things up. Today's paper was supposed to be redemption.

Savage breasts and Meso compounds. URGHH!!!

Scared stiff. Dear Air, save me!

Wassup wassup! A's is coming!!! Nervous like shit and doing nothing but studying these days. Break time now and looking back at the things I have done this year. CRAZYYY!!!! 

I foresee myself as a workaholic; how much exciting can my life get? I can only wish for better things to happen to me, though the best has already happened; having found my special one. I wish for good results because I have worked hard, really hard. I wish I might one day be a singer singing at Madison Square Gardens and be invited to sing at the Grammys or VMAs, because I really love to sing. I wish for a thousand things and most of them are for you. 

I repeat every night when the clock strikes 11:11: I hope he does well and will be happy. I hope he does well and will be happy. I hope he sees that he can do great things in his remaining life, after all, he is 18. 

In other news, the big As are up and I am scared stiff. 

x

Cause my grades are terrible and I have no aims in life; 

Got home after a weekend of fun. HAHA! I am too lucky... And guilty :( 

It was fun (unexpectedly) though very awkward at times, cause I am lost at how to communicate with some of my family without being poked fun of or making a fool of myself. 

Can't wait to edit the videos I took!!! Prolly naming it a childish name like, "Mooncake Festival @ M'sia" I pray I wouldn't do such a foolish thing later. Please please please HAHAHAAHA 

Am delirious now. In need of Milo and maybe some new stationaries. <3<3<3

Angst and Grief

This is definitely not a mid-life crisis, but still a crisis nonetheless. I hate being fat! I stand at 1.59cm, weighing a fucking 53kg (52 on days that I am lucky). I honestly do not enjoy being in my body, maybe other than being blessed with good enough assets. Every other part of my body is utterly disgusting/revolting/vomit-inducing. I wish I could just turn ano or bul. If things were that easy, I would have been stick thin by now. I admit, I have tried the 'stick your finger down your throat' method. Who hasn't? All I got was little amounts of fluid coming out and it takes a few minutes for anything to even come out. 
And obviously I can't be anorexic! My stomach is a bottomless pit, I don't even stop when I am full! It is crazy! I eat so so much! I have tried weeks before w/o rice and just meat and vegetable, thankfully, I am not one of those people who actually have cravings for rice. But I didn't shed a gram. I was like normal?! Cutting down on carbs doesn't work for me! :( Many sad faces to show my grief. :(:(:(:( I didn't even eat much extra meat?? A normal person would have at least lost some kg lor, please. I really hate my screwed up body. "Legs, why are you so thick and stubby?" 
NO! THERE IS NO WAY ANY GIRL CAN FULLY EMBRACE HER FAT BODY! Don't be a fool, people. A fat person will always be conscious about their body, no matter how confident they seem. It sucksssss. And worse of all, when a fat person seems confident about themselves, people openly joke about their size and ASSUME that the person is totally fine with it. Maybe we should start joking about your mental capabilities, MORONS! 

I am this close ( ) to turning to liposuction. Okay, apparently it does not work well in the long run but... It's better than staying fat right?! This is a 17 y-o girl speaking. She has hormones and is probably typing this impulsively. But honestly, I have fats deposited on every inch of my body. WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?! 

p.s. I don't even know why I am ranting. Maybe because I am so lonely - I have no one to really talk to. 

I want to talk about my dreams~

I honestly like to talk about myself but haha, nobody ever wants to hear me talk about myself. Why? :( Okay, I know why. 

And I am here to tell the world that I have awesome dreams. I am a dreamer~ 

And it seems legit cause John Lennon says so.

"I dreamt that there was a crazy war. I dknow who started the war but maybe China and Japan, cuz of the island? I dknow, maybe so. I remember being with random people, people I have never seen. I think I was some sort of heroine in my dream, cause I led this group of people to safety. We ran from Singapore to MALAYSIA. I can qualify for marathon already please. Why is my dream so unrealistic??? I can't even complete my 2.4km without dying halfway. Kudos to all my friends who does it under 14, not including the guys. 

And when we reached this village in M'sia, we had to turn back cause somebody started shouting "TSUNAMIIII!!!!!"

The shit, die already plzzzz. And I was not even panting. I just kept on running in my dream until we reached the freaking causeway. HAHA, I think my dream makes no perfect sense cause what the shit happened to the tsunami??? 

The last leg of the RACE TO SURVIVAL was to a HDB block cause I thought it would be safe being on higher grounds and to lock ourselves up in a apartment so nobody can find us. 

I am a joke :'( "

No wonder my friends (aka R,A,N) do not want to listen to my dreams. HAHA, its a messssss.\

x

And it's about time to reminisce...

And presenting a moodboard I made like eons agooo...

All nighter, just over. Sun is up and I still am not near completion. My mum decided to switch on the television and watch some chinese drama in front of me. HAHA, I actually got distracted by it. THE GUY IS SO HANDSOME. 

Well, I have tuition in 3 hours, so I hope I can stay awake. HAHAHA I think it will be one big joke I swear. I will probably just die halfwayyyyy. Thanks a lot Biology.

"Nervous Control. Homeostasis. Cell signalling." fu

AJChoir is family.

25 August in pictures：

I am as dead as a falling tree in the woods;
Roots rendered useless/
Leaves all gone.
My bark's too thick.
I need to learn to live.
To live my own life and not fall again,
For I am nothing, but just a seed.

What a beauty <3

Title: Woes of a lonely girl


Hi, thanks for reading. I am 17 going on 18. I understand, you are probably thinking: "Oh shit, another teenage girl whining and moaning about her oh-so-sad life." No wait, I'm not sad; I am just lonely. Loneliness does lead to sadness sometimes but wait, hear me out first. 


It is a new school but it's the last year of school already. Two years really is not enough for me to meet someone new and be like bosom friends. Took me 6 good years and counting for me and my best friend to have such an interesting and somewhat strong friendship. We love each other, and we definitely share a lot of things happening in our lives with each other that we don't share with other people. It's like a, a sort of trust. But I still do feel lonely. We don't talk much. We don't see each other much. Though as much as we know we have each other, sometimes we just forget about each other. 


Here comes the irony: I have a boyfriend. He's lovely, sweet and kind. Everything I could ever ask for. I love him with all my heart, and h's always there for me. But I am still lonely. I can't seem to open up my heart, i.e. sharing my problems with him. I just feel as though he would start worrying for me and I rather suffer alone than have another suffer with me. Furthermore, I do not feel exactly comfortable telling people stuff. So I feel alone, knowing I have to conquer many things on my own. It is my life after all.


I have a family, people. Dad, Mum, Sister, Brother. You name it I have it. My siblings and I even share the same room. We talk often but end up fighting most of the time. It's just how it has been since those rascals were born. I spend most of my time at home alone; studying. We hardly ever talk anymore and honestly, there is nothing I wish to talk to my family about. Maybe it's just the conservative nature of Chinese families. It is just awkward, so uncomfortable. 

I do not know what to do. I am happy, but I led today not having much human interaction (half an hour max). I was bored to death and I felt like crushing all my papers and breaking all my pencils. Maybe it is just me. I will never know I guess but I do not want my entire life to be like this. 

29th July 2012
Everyday screams: A's. I do see the sheer importance of this but honestly, I think there is more to life than this. Ten years down the road, it's all going to look stupid - like how PSLE and O's already look so stupid to me. I can't wait for the near future to end.


The
Olympics
Is 
So 
Awesome! 
<3

#nowplaying

It's so good. 

My parents got home and got amazing stuff from Bangkok.


I have to go there one day, soon.


+ My mum had a pitch on opening an online stores to sell amazing buys from Thailand.


I have the coolest mum, i think.


And I feigned illness to stay at home today. Not in the mood to meet my friends and smile/laugh.


+ I hope everybody's doing better than me. Out of ten, I'm a 3 right now.

How's everybody? It's eight and I'm feeling lethargic from today already. I don't even want to go to school tomorrow. :(:( While leaving school today, my teacher ran up to me and asked me if I wanted to perform for National. Thank you, but no thanks. With my grades? Com'on. I need to study, so I took up his second offer: performing during prom night. I feel kind of lucky though, being given the opportunity to do what I love <3 And goodness, how much I miss AJChoir.

So I have not been doing much reading, other than the same book from previously. I'm too slow and/cause there is no time for such things (especially when I chose to nap for three hours today).

x

National Day is coming up and I cannot wait to see the jets and fireworks. !!! It's just amazing yknow. I missed it when they used to hold the parades at the Singapore stadium, more sky and lesser buildings. All's in town now, so trees and buildings practically block everything from view. + I had this crazy idea of posting a video of me singing some random national day song, but I cannot play the guitar so the video would not be cool.

x

+ I need new shoes/bag/clothes/life/a better heart.

x

And

people need to know about my unhealthy obssession with thick full eyebrows.

 x

Excited! I hope the Alumni shirt will become a reality.

Woke up today at 7, thinking I was late for school. For a good ten seconds, I was panicking on bed; thinking of reasons I should not be going to school. I found one: There was no school today ha ha 

Today was fun - studying at Anu's house tho' 70% of the time, we were humming to tunes and singing choir songs. She watched the Taming of the Shrewd, starring the gorgeous Elizabeth Taylor while, I - the science faculty student - did 50 Chemistry MCQs and complex numbers.  

Did I mention I got an E for GP? How screwed is that (considering my B last term)? Its the lowest grade I've gotten and I wanted to die in my sleep that night. An embarrassment, I am. 

Singapore is quite pretty

How's life? 

It sucks.

Failed everything. 

To hell with school.

And myself.

Reading "Stars" by Kathryn Harvey

Visuals: Singapore Zoo 动物园

Being at the zoo with him on Monday was fun. It's always different; being alone with him. Such a charmer.