Got home after a weekend of fun. HAHA! I am too lucky... And guilty :( 

It was fun (unexpectedly) though very awkward at times, cause I am lost at how to communicate with some of my family without being poked fun of or making a fool of myself. 

Can't wait to edit the videos I took!!! Prolly naming it a childish name like, "Mooncake Festival @ M'sia" I pray I wouldn't do such a foolish thing later. Please please please HAHAHAAHA 

Am delirious now. In need of Milo and maybe some new stationaries. <3<3<3

Angst and Grief

This is definitely not a mid-life crisis, but still a crisis nonetheless. I hate being fat! I stand at 1.59cm, weighing a fucking 53kg (52 on days that I am lucky). I honestly do not enjoy being in my body, maybe other than being blessed with good enough assets. Every other part of my body is utterly disgusting/revolting/vomit-inducing. I wish I could just turn ano or bul. If things were that easy, I would have been stick thin by now. I admit, I have tried the 'stick your finger down your throat' method. Who hasn't? All I got was little amounts of fluid coming out and it takes a few minutes for anything to even come out. 
And obviously I can't be anorexic! My stomach is a bottomless pit, I don't even stop when I am full! It is crazy! I eat so so much! I have tried weeks before w/o rice and just meat and vegetable, thankfully, I am not one of those people who actually have cravings for rice. But I didn't shed a gram. I was like normal?! Cutting down on carbs doesn't work for me! :( Many sad faces to show my grief. :(:(:(:( I didn't even eat much extra meat?? A normal person would have at least lost some kg lor, please. I really hate my screwed up body. "Legs, why are you so thick and stubby?" 
NO! THERE IS NO WAY ANY GIRL CAN FULLY EMBRACE HER FAT BODY! Don't be a fool, people. A fat person will always be conscious about their body, no matter how confident they seem. It sucksssss. And worse of all, when a fat person seems confident about themselves, people openly joke about their size and ASSUME that the person is totally fine with it. Maybe we should start joking about your mental capabilities, MORONS! 

I am this close ( ) to turning to liposuction. Okay, apparently it does not work well in the long run but... It's better than staying fat right?! This is a 17 y-o girl speaking. She has hormones and is probably typing this impulsively. But honestly, I have fats deposited on every inch of my body. WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?! 

p.s. I don't even know why I am ranting. Maybe because I am so lonely - I have no one to really talk to. 

I want to talk about my dreams~

I honestly like to talk about myself but haha, nobody ever wants to hear me talk about myself. Why? :( Okay, I know why. 

And I am here to tell the world that I have awesome dreams. I am a dreamer~ 

And it seems legit cause John Lennon says so.

"I dreamt that there was a crazy war. I dknow who started the war but maybe China and Japan, cuz of the island? I dknow, maybe so. I remember being with random people, people I have never seen. I think I was some sort of heroine in my dream, cause I led this group of people to safety. We ran from Singapore to MALAYSIA. I can qualify for marathon already please. Why is my dream so unrealistic??? I can't even complete my 2.4km without dying halfway. Kudos to all my friends who does it under 14, not including the guys. 

And when we reached this village in M'sia, we had to turn back cause somebody started shouting "TSUNAMIIII!!!!!"

The shit, die already plzzzz. And I was not even panting. I just kept on running in my dream until we reached the freaking causeway. HAHA, I think my dream makes no perfect sense cause what the shit happened to the tsunami??? 

The last leg of the RACE TO SURVIVAL was to a HDB block cause I thought it would be safe being on higher grounds and to lock ourselves up in a apartment so nobody can find us. 

I am a joke :'( "

No wonder my friends (aka R,A,N) do not want to listen to my dreams. HAHA, its a messssss.\

x

And it's about time to reminisce...

And presenting a moodboard I made like eons agooo...

All nighter, just over. Sun is up and I still am not near completion. My mum decided to switch on the television and watch some chinese drama in front of me. HAHA, I actually got distracted by it. THE GUY IS SO HANDSOME. 

Well, I have tuition in 3 hours, so I hope I can stay awake. HAHAHA I think it will be one big joke I swear. I will probably just die halfwayyyyy. Thanks a lot Biology.

"Nervous Control. Homeostasis. Cell signalling." fu