Happy happy happy. Today was a good day. Lessons felt productive (cuz I actually did my homework). Teachers seemed funnier today. Civics was extremely motivating today. Choir was extremely fun today. Best of all, less than 24 hours and I will be at the airport; catching my flight to Italy. <3<3<3 

+ JY, Pam-nu are sending me off. Lurveeeeeeeezzzz

Plsplsplsplsplspls Grand Finale plzzzzzzzzzzzz

xx

I miss just hanging out, talking, laughing, massaging, holding hands and walking aimlessly with you - the hugs and kisses too.

LCM exam was today and it was evidently atrocious. Whatever can be worse than a group of ill-disciplined singers singing together? I hope I do not lose this passion I have as a chorister. The music always gets to me.

I miss you, gurl.

x

It's crazy. The stress. The music. The singing. The voice. Yesterday's h2h with the sopranos was crazy. Almost all cried. It was heartening to see them cry. I'm not a sadist, but I love emotions. Their crying showed that being in AJChoir was not just about singing with everybody else in it, but being part of this family. It's crazy how close we are as a choir. I have never felt this close to such a huge group of people before. We share the same bed, smelly room, hugs, tears, kisses. I love them all, maybe with a few exceptions. leeesighhhh....

x

This is a picture of my dad, some of my uncles/aunties and their friends. I just found it while browsing through the contents of my laptop (: 

This was shot by a photographer of The Straits Times. My dad was obviously not rich enough to afford a camera in the past. 

Today calls for something nice and nostalgic I saw on tumblr.

Such an awesome movie. Please go watch it. 

Italy is in a week. I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so EGG-CITED ! ! ! ! The sheer presence of the place would be enough to inspire us. That was what Kwei said today. I believe him. Trust and faith in you, big man(somewhat literal). Tomorrow's the performance at the Supreme Court. I really think it's pretty cool. We get to do what we love so much at awesome places. I wish every single CCA had opportunities like these. 

x x 

Thanks for reminding me of my love for you. 

Dear all, it has come to my attention that not only do I lack the ability to excel academically, I also am deficient of crucial "soft" skills needed to survive in this society. 

I am doomed.

x

Today was spent moping around the house, lying around and watching snippets of MTV. I could not decide on what to do: with my day, myself and my life. I am currently reading a GP book, in hopes of finally understanding the subject itself. It's so controversial sometimes. Furthermore, I find myself worrying for tomorrow's test cuz I do not want to be bumped into Band B. Band A is where I want to stay. I figure it's just hierarchy and being competitive. I do not want to be where the chunk loads of people are and I just want to be good (which evidently, I am not). 

1 and 1/2 more weeks to Italy. It's scaring me quite a lot.

xx 

The first day of blocks is coming to end. Can't wait for tomorrow to be over :/

In other news, I have been pissing people off lately. I think it's just me and there is only one thing I can do about it: Stop talking to you. So either deal with it or don't bother communicating with me, cuz we'd both be pissing each other off at the end of every conversation.

x

I had an awfully busy weekend. To start with: I think I did too much work. Too much being that if I don't do well for blocks, I might actually be suicidal. Too much being that I have already made celebratory plans for after-blocks. :) 

Everybody's like "Blocks? Who gives a shit???" haha, dudes and dudettes, I DO. It's crazy how much emphasis I put on these little tests. I really do not want to be demoralised, and especially not before I leave for Italy. 

Apart from all these crap about academics, I have been thinking about what I'd like to do in the future. I always wanted to be a doctor and saving people's lives after I retire. I consider this profession to be a prestige by itself, but the gratification of saving someone is somewhat priceless. This week has given me new thoughts. Studying gave me new thoughts. I really am not doing well at all, so I thought about alternatives in the future. I considered Anthropolgy. It's interesting. Really is.

x

so cute and extremely un-affordable

you kidding me? This is so lovely.

p.s. i think im giving up on studying

We were without friends when we were born like how we will be without friends when we die. 

I've been thinking a lot recently about my life. Oh, I wish I had a life. My heart palpitates when I think about it. I get all funny inside. I don't like it at all. They call it anxiety. I cry when it happens, like how any normal HUMAN BEING would. I really thought it was all gone after that year but HEY! Look who's right at my front step. Fucking anxiety. Blame it on the stress, blame it on me. I really don't know.

 x x

And hello my dear, I am so sorry I ain't Christian. I can't understand things the way you do and I can't feel the way you do. I really am so sorry for it. I know I didn't choose to be born into a non-Christian family but I know, too well, that I chose not to be too religious. I hope you understand. I get my strength not from Him or Buddha, but from you and myself. Sometimes, I think you might be better off with a Christian girl who pulls you to church every Sunday to pray and to listen to the pastor preach. Well, life with me on Sunday mornings will be like this. 

12pm: Waking up

1pm: Still on bed, playing games on my phone or whatever electronic devices they have in the future

And obviously, church is no where in that timeline. But tell me when you want to go, cause I want to be there with you through everything that matters to you. 

I wish I could talk to you about this soon. 

x

Another miserable day at school :'( I cannot emphasise on how much I hate myself for being a perfectionist. Whenever I see anything less than perfect with myself, I really just want to change it or just break down (if there is nothing I can do about it). 

I received my first B grade for A levels today. IT IS DEFINITELY LESS THAN PERFECT. It's far from it really. A just means you are fine. Well, B shouts "LOSER". 

I remember receiving the horrid news at some time near 12.20PM. I was pretty much in shock and I wanted to cry so bad. Obviously I didn't cry! There is no way I am going to cry in this school. I just pretended to be that "strong" person I wanted to be seen as. I am definitely not strong. Not physically. Not emotional and definitely not mentally. I suffer from freaking anxiety. I just die whenever I have anxiety attacks and cry myself to sleep, wishing that I might wake up in heaven. I have no idea where this post is going but I really needed to let this all out of my chest. 

I told myself, "It's just one B. Shall not fret." 

Sigh, I wish I could practice what I preach to myself. I'm such a hypocrite. 

I am nothing but a lie to myself and my friends and everybody around me. 

I wish I could just cry but I just can't let myself to. I feel the need to always be strong for you and to be that shoulder you will lean on all the time. I want to make you a better person than I am. 

Prettiest dress ever. Changing the colour to white would make it a beautiful wedding dress.

I really would mind at all staying in a house like this. It reminds me so much of my childhood show, The Addams Family.

Oh man, how I missed those times. I still remember having a headache from watching the black-white versions so I simply switched to cartoon. HAHA I really would not mind having such a queer family. At least, they are interesting and tolerant of each other. 

x x

I have a few things to get before I leave for Italy at the end of this month. Still lots of time to get them. 

Films for my instant camera

Post-it notes

One very nice file to put my scores in

Lozenges

Pi Pa Gao

Another week has passed with just one P.A. and lots and lots of laughter. April announced its arrival too soon. Not funny at all. I can feel my wrinkles setting in and my eye bags getting heavier. :(

Riau Islands at the end of this week. An escape of this crazy concrete jungle to an extremely suburban area of the world. Can't waittttt~~~ 

x