Another miserable day at school :'( I cannot emphasise on how much I hate myself for being a perfectionist. Whenever I see anything less than perfect with myself, I really just want to change it or just break down (if there is nothing I can do about it). 

I received my first B grade for A levels today. IT IS DEFINITELY LESS THAN PERFECT. It's far from it really. A just means you are fine. Well, B shouts "LOSER". 

I remember receiving the horrid news at some time near 12.20PM. I was pretty much in shock and I wanted to cry so bad. Obviously I didn't cry! There is no way I am going to cry in this school. I just pretended to be that "strong" person I wanted to be seen as. I am definitely not strong. Not physically. Not emotional and definitely not mentally. I suffer from freaking anxiety. I just die whenever I have anxiety attacks and cry myself to sleep, wishing that I might wake up in heaven. I have no idea where this post is going but I really needed to let this all out of my chest. 

I told myself, "It's just one B. Shall not fret." 

Sigh, I wish I could practice what I preach to myself. I'm such a hypocrite. 

I am nothing but a lie to myself and my friends and everybody around me. 

I wish I could just cry but I just can't let myself to. I feel the need to always be strong for you and to be that shoulder you will lean on all the time. I want to make you a better person than I am.