It is always hard to let something go. It is exceptionally hard when that SOMETHING is someone who you have shared many experiences and memories with. A best friend, maybe. A person who took care of you since you were in Kindergarden? Or even a boyfriend you shared many 'first's with. You are comfortable with their presence. Too comfortable. You cherish them a lot too. On random days - while chionging homework at the wee hours of day or on a long bus ride home - you think of the possibility of them not being around. Your heart aches and it weeps a little. Urgh, can you imagine that ache? On certain occasions, the ache is physical while on other days, you just get all emotional. You cry on your bed in the dark. Hopefully your parents don't hear your heavy breathing. Hopefully no one checks on you. You just wanna be alone and you just want to think of all the horrible things that can happen, preparing yourself for the worst. Then you think, 'Okay it is not going to happen!' You stop crying as you slip into slumberland - only to wake up with puffy eyes the next morning.

Right now, I have to choose.

I have cried many times just thinking about you not being in my life. I just thought of "you dying" while walking home. I had to wait at the void deck for my eyes and nose to clear up before going home. I really do not know what you mean to me. Maybe only two words describe it, "a lot". Yet everything is still so nebulous.