GO! YOLO!

Just ended filming the 3rd and 4th episode of my online travelogue "GO! YOLO!" with my friends, Fel and Aloy. It was so much fun hahaha (tho' slightly tiring) 

been mulling over the events that has occurred over this past week, and the week before. 

everybody has been asking me, "why are you still in hall" duty, i tell them. oh band prac, i tell some. but maybe (just maybe), i really don't want to go back to all of that. 

back in hall because I couldn't find home.

and I am no longer certain if I am just alone or am I already lonely.

lastminutework:(

churned these out today before flying off

#lastminutework which i hate a lot

Bandung, here I come! (after I am done packing, of course)

logo

fundraiser photo

my thoughts about my body

I weigh approximately 52kg, and I am 1.59m. I feel fat. That is the truth and I am not going to lie about this anymore. I squeeze the insides of my thighs and I feel disgusted by the amount of flesh I feel. I look into the mirror and the first thing that comes to my mind is the amount of fats I have under my cheeks, underneath all that skin. My obsession with my fats has taken over my life. I look into the mirror every morning, every afternoon, every night, and before I sleep. I scrutinise my half naked body in the mirror - from the front and the side profile. I look at the bump at my abdomen - FATS. I look at the curves at my hips - FATS. I look at the lumpy flesh at the sides of my chest - FATS. I was never thin, never even near being 'ideal'. I always felt fat. Looking at the girls around me in secondary school, I felt less than ideal. I know I should not be feeling this way. I know I am supposed to be proud of my body, but it is just so hard. Society just doesn't 'like' fats. Right now, I can't even wear a pair of jeans without reassuring myself that nobody cares about your body. I only wear jeans when I go for exams because it gets so bloody cold in the halls. I was never a girly girl and never liked wearing skirts. But now, skirts are like my blankets. I wear them to cover my thighs and to cover my low hips. It was never meant to be a fashion statement. I even wear dresses now. I 'know' I am not fat fat, but I know I am.