the year 2013

I am kicking start the year 2014 with a new DIY video and a compilation of never before published selfies HAHAHAHA

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 The Ngs and Chuas

 Cuz I thought my eyeliner was chio...

 Didn't even know how we got to taking this photo...

The fat wushu guy tried to kill me during tuition 

 and then we became aliens...

 and art pieces of Andy Warhol!

 I really think my hair quite chio here haha i dknow why~~~

 my pimplessssssssss 

 was a pseudo philo student in Sem1

 why my hair so nice here then now like shit....

 Harry Potter coming your way 

 the day I tried on somebody else's specs

 last few months before university started this year. 

 one of the recent events: CAROLLING WITH AJCHOIR

 the lunch when I found out STClassifieds took over my hall's canteen.

 The day I tried to hide my pimpleee

 and when I tried to look chio with messy hair. failed...

 i'm bloody 007.

and today. the last day.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

GO! YOLO!

Just ended filming the 3rd and 4th episode of my online travelogue "GO! YOLO!" with my friends, Fel and Aloy. It was so much fun hahaha (tho' slightly tiring) 

been mulling over the events that has occurred over this past week, and the week before. 

everybody has been asking me, "why are you still in hall" duty, i tell them. oh band prac, i tell some. but maybe (just maybe), i really don't want to go back to all of that. 

back in hall because I couldn't find home.

and I am no longer certain if I am just alone or am I already lonely.

lastminutework:(

churned these out today before flying off

#lastminutework which i hate a lot

Bandung, here I come! (after I am done packing, of course)

logo

fundraiser photo

my thoughts about my body

I weigh approximately 52kg, and I am 1.59m. I feel fat. That is the truth and I am not going to lie about this anymore. I squeeze the insides of my thighs and I feel disgusted by the amount of flesh I feel. I look into the mirror and the first thing that comes to my mind is the amount of fats I have under my cheeks, underneath all that skin. My obsession with my fats has taken over my life. I look into the mirror every morning, every afternoon, every night, and before I sleep. I scrutinise my half naked body in the mirror - from the front and the side profile. I look at the bump at my abdomen - FATS. I look at the curves at my hips - FATS. I look at the lumpy flesh at the sides of my chest - FATS. I was never thin, never even near being 'ideal'. I always felt fat. Looking at the girls around me in secondary school, I felt less than ideal. I know I should not be feeling this way. I know I am supposed to be proud of my body, but it is just so hard. Society just doesn't 'like' fats. Right now, I can't even wear a pair of jeans without reassuring myself that nobody cares about your body. I only wear jeans when I go for exams because it gets so bloody cold in the halls. I was never a girly girl and never liked wearing skirts. But now, skirts are like my blankets. I wear them to cover my thighs and to cover my low hips. It was never meant to be a fashion statement. I even wear dresses now. I 'know' I am not fat fat, but I know I am. 

post-examinations

Con't:

2 more papers and it is time to party! Harry Potter marathons and all... 

broken.

How do you know when somebody is "The One"? 
May I please employ a fortuneteller to read my love life? 
May I please employ a witch to curse somebody? 

childhood dreams

it's no big secret that i love to sing. singing has been the only joy in my life since i was young (7 years old approx.) i could sing all day long. but i was never really quite sure if i like acting. i have acted and had so much fun. just immersing myself into something entirely new. it's pretty much like music. being someone else for a little while. not the normal joey, maybe a more sentimental joey or a more whacky joey. it's fun. wkw is having casting calls soon. for paparazzi. i actually contemplated on being on the production team but i think i might just try the acting bit. 

things i do with photos

firstly, it is amazing that people are actually asking me questions on ask.fm. giving me hope that i am a significant being in this cyber world. 

so here is my first bold attempt in answering a question (feeling famous when i'm actually not haha):

the technology i use to take the photos: 
    - DSLR; Sony-alpha
    - iPod
    - typical disposable film cameras 

the things i do to my photos from:
    - DSLR: adobe photoshop, gimp
    - iPod: VSCO
    - disposable film cameras: nothing, absolutely nothing 

post exams & the holidays

Getting ready for the last lesson of the semester (HP1000 Introduction to Psychology Tutorial). Bless me please. Semester is ending and (almost) everybody is celebrating the end of sem with their drinking and... drinking. University students need to be more creative in their celebratory ways. 

I cannot seem to believe I am just one sem away from being a Year 2 in university. Everything is passing by so quickly and the holidays are coming. Plans for the holidays are somewhat concrete: 1) filming for web series 2) flying to bandung 3) boating to bintan 4) flying to perth 5) preparation for OVE 2014 trip 6) more band prac with The Wholesomes (I can't wait) 7) finishing up (for the second time) Avatar the Last Air Bender 8) making more terrariums 9) making time for the people i love <3 

In other news, my package from ebay just arrived! Teeth Whitening Strips! I can't wait to use it!!!!!!!!

p.s. more documentation!!!!

movies worth watching

Il Mare
dealing with the time loop paradox

Blue Velvet

dealing so much with Freud's psychoanalysis

Donnie Darko

deals with challenges to meta-narratives and so much pastiche

12 weeks into university life. It's so intimidating. My impending death. Finals. GPA. I have lived as an uptight girl most of my life - following the rules, listening to my parents, doing as I am told. I saw myself change when I entered Cedar (best years of my life, still). The girls in Cedar were of a different breed, definitely a more exquisite breed. :'-) I miss Cedar and the choir.

Life goes on though and now (after my time in AJC), I am in NTU! I honestly never would have thought I be entering NTU (WKW). Always thought that maybe I will be smarter and enter NUS Medicine (childhood dream of being a doctor) or maybe venture abroad to do business (without considering how expensive an overseas education would be). 

But I am happy where I am now. I couldn't be happier with my friends, my family, my hall life and school (not denying that school is hard as hell). 

top: bird perched on my window 

middle: the few of many people who make life in uni bearable

bottom: hall is never complete without late night suppers at 60 benches^^

and my dearest roomie who puts up with me every single day:

and gosh look at how big my mouth is (imsodisgusted):

Happy Halloween!!!! #thewholesomes

#wishlist

My attempt to document my life from here on

Attempt #1: Daily vlog

-failed-

lmy and i were supposed to keep track of our lives and our thoughts using photobooth. 

it would have been so much fun but we never found the time and energy to sit ourselves down to speak to our macbook. 

Attempt #2: Documentary 

-failed-

i had with me a nikon dslr that was capable of taking videos. my sony is so ancient (i lost the charger to it and we have yet to find a replacement for that cuz production stopped?!). i did take a few videos of hall and stuff but very introductory though. maybe i could do a 30sec trailer to hall12 kind of thing. will i like it? 

Attempt #3: Disposable cameras

I find this attempt very interesting. Fuss-free. Essentially cheaper than Attempt #2. It has been going well. 10 more frames before I have to develop the films. Edwin was telling me how I could do that myself but I doubt I dare to?! (he owns a manual slr. somebody pass me a gun now?! im absolutely jealous) All the films will probably be exposed before I know it. 

I am still hoping that this attempt works. Documenting lives cannot be any lazier. I mean like girls do it on a hourly basis with their selfies right?!?!?! How hard can this be?

Hall 12 / NTU / Sunsets #wereallydamnwholesome from Joey Chua on Vimeo.

the alternate universe

it is 12AM and my room mate is not in yet. 

i am starting to wonder if an alternate universe exists and she has accidentally entered the space-time vortex thingy, leading to her mystical journey through space and time. this journey will ultimately lead her into a universe which is exactly the same as ours but i am not there. i will never exist. 

or maybe... 

i am have been into the vortex and i am, in fact, the one who is away from everybody else. question... then why does blogger still work? is technology the bridge between the different universe?

#fuckedup

#throwback

San Francisco

2013

^.^v

SOS

Note to self:

1. There are going to be people who are going to leave you to die. 

2. There are going to be friends who really aren't your friends.

3. There are going to be instances when you just simply assumed that the friendship exist. 

4. There are going to be tears which you try so hard to hold back - just to stay strong for someone else.

5. There are going to be fears of isolation, helplessness and loneliness.

If there is one thing hall party has taught me, 

- This is a bloody cruel world and I have just been thrown into a pool of sharks. 

S O S please

biggest hug to the cutest person in the world 

it was what sparked my anxiety episode in the first place

This is a MUST-WATCH: Born Intro Brothels

I want to make films like this one day. 

High Hopes

danger of being the sober amongst the drunks

Disclaimer: I am not claiming to be a good girl on the sole reason that I do not drink (excessively)

I might have mentioned this to you: about my drinking session that lasted till 7AM and was in no way wild. Disappointment.

The issue: I think it is so dangerous to be the sober amongst all the intoxicated beings. 

My every action and my every speech were intended and the decision to make them was a conscious one. 

Here is the problem: everybody else seems to be acting on impulse. The words they speak, their actions. It makes me confused. So you hugged me after consuming a liberal amount of alcohol. Do you actually remember doing that? Is your declarative memory intact or has the alcohol stopped your hippocampus from working? Did you meant for the hug to be an affectionate one in the friendly way(???)? 

Qn: Should I just be intoxicated thus not letting it bother me?

#throwback even if it is not Thursday

Been thinking lately about what in my life is blog-worthy (not saying that my blog only contains "blog-worthy" material, it's shit most of the time)

It's September, a Saturday and it means one thing and one thing only - I do not have much bloody time. As morbid as it is going to sound, I don't think I have much of a life of me. When I "look" into my future, I don't see myself working and neither do I see myself living. I'm not sure if that means I will be dead. But I'm scared - hence why I have decided to do things that I should have done in my teenage years. 

1 - Drink

I had my first ever drinking session last night which lasted till morning 7AM. Wild life you might say but really, no. I hardly drank enough to successful strike "Drink" off my bucket list. SC tanked all my alcohol, one hell of a gentleman I have to admit. 

2 - Kiss

I have only kissed one person in my entire 19 years of existence. I am single and not very available, but until then I would like to just smooch a nice person or 2. As sexual as I might seem, it's just plain inquisitiveness. 

3 - Sleeping half naked 

Having shared bedrooms with my siblings, I never had the privilege of being clothed lesser when I slept. I would think it would be a very comfortable experience and definitely much more cooling in the sweltering Singapore weather. 

I have the full understanding that the above fore mentioned points seem very stereotypical of a wild teenage girl life and that is what I would like to achieve before I end my teenage years in 1/2 years' time. 

Until then, shalom

xx

Mike Posner - Cooler Than Me

Shades of someone who is still much cooler than me

Dear Natalie Wong,

I am going to miss you when you are away. A good many many kilometres away (attempted google search but it failed)

Love,

Joey Chua

P.S. The shades remains of the song "Cooler Than Me" by Mike Posner

I have been terrorised by my nightmares recently. 

Psychopath, X. X was haunting me. Wherever I was, it was there; a passerby, a text sent to me, the shop keeper. X has became an attachment to me and I was certain, X is never letting go. 

There was a time, the whole family was seated in a large unfamiliar room. The sheer size of the room was menacing. We lifted up into the air against the force of nature and before we (I) knew it, throats were slit. An invisible slice. Red splattered and stained. Eyeballs rolling up and the slits opening up; deepening. Heads were hanging back. 

Then, there was a blur. 

Darkness. It could have been death but it wasn't, because X was still there. Eyes permeates soul and defies logic. 

Two of us were dragged by a plane. (?) I think the plane exploded. It did. 

Had one hell of a night

):

College Dorm

One of the most exciting thing about college has to be the staying in hall. Whole new life, new friends, new lifestyle and best of all, a new space to call your own. Room mate and I have been going crazy discussing about the theme for our room. And we finally finally decided on:

xx

My first half of a week...

I had this great idea that university life was going to be damn fun and happening. Well, it still is but let me add one more thing to this; it's bloody tiring.

There's too much going on I don't even know which is blog-worthy.

And a GPA of 4.0. Someone please tell me its perfectly attainable.

Start of University - Terror

Place: Nanyang Technological University, Singapore

Weather: Fine 

Sipping on mountain dew, sitting in my room (alone) and typing this out. It's August already. It means time flies by too quickly. Here I am with my NTU Matriculation Card and officially a student in a college of my choice, doing what I hopefully will enjoy (WKW!) 

Moving into dorm

I love my family <3<3 Go Chua! They came to clean the dirt and filth with(for) me. 

It's really quite satisfying to finally have a space that I pay for myself and a space that belongs to me. Responsibility, I guess. 

building of a short shelf (serving as a rack) and a pole rack to hang laundry. 

First night alone

My first night in hall was spent alone; watching episodes of Modern Family and snacking on cup noodles. I also downed too much green tea. Couldn't sleep sobzzzzz Caffeine-saturated blood 

When I finally got to bed, I had one of the weirdest nightmares ever. A cat was in my room and I was scared out of my wits. Literally paralysed with fear. I had a box of something in my hands and was unable to throw it at the menacing predator. The fear shook me awake :'-( 

Sleepless night, in other words.

Right now, at this moment

;asas;klflksjdf923r92 

s a v e m e 

r o t t i n g i n m y r o o m 

c o n t e m p l a t e d g r o c e r y s h o p p i n g @ Canteen2

my room mate damn slow hahaha

x